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This too shall pass…

So far today I have walked Sid, been swimming, had my bloods done and enjoyed a coffee with a friend. All the things that normally make my heart sing… ok… maybe not the blood test!
But I woke up feeling crabby, headachey and something else that I can’t quite put my finger on.

And my ego is having a field day; trying desperately to pin it onto something …anything…my lack of a loving partner and friends; my weight; lack of drive and purpose; lack of money creating prospects; shitty body image; lack of motivation and joy, my eating and drinking habits….the list is endless.
You name it, the my ego has dragged it out of the archives … and smacked me around the head with it all…no wonder I have a headache!
How very kind of it…talk about self-sabotage, self abuse and all round self-loathing.
Kick a girl when she’s down, why don’t you?

Apparently, my ego could cite a hundred things that I’m worried about on some level or another but the truth is that I am feeling something that I can’t explain…that I have no words to describe and that scares the shit out of me.

Because I like to understand myself, it’s part my life’s work to: Know Thy Self.
I often find it hard to surrender to my illness and debilitating condition called Rheumatoid Arthritis …I even hate writing these words.

Someone, kindly or not so kindly, once suggested that I had given up because of my disease. He said that I needed to fight and fight and then fight some more…

But that’s the problem…I am fighting, with myself, my ego and the dreaded RA.
RA is an inflammatory autoimmune disease. It attacks your joints, your eyes, and finally your organs.
The last thing my body needs is me fighting with it, my dysfunctioning immune system is already doing that, with knobs on.

His holiness the Dalai Lama was once asked about World Peace and how it could be realised…He replied that as most of us were at war with ourselves, there could be no peace in the world. While the heart feels one thing and the mind thinks another, there would always be a war raging on the inside and indeed, on the outside of us.
Balance, compassion and integration are the keys…and of course: LOVE
So, finding a way to bring these two opposing factions of myself around the peace talk tables, may just be my goal for today.
First, stop arguing with the ego…that part of me that wants to be separate, small and isolated.
Be kind, compassionate and loving in the process.
Good Luck sweetheart…and always remember…

This too shall pass.

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