Taking up too much space
I’ve struggled most of my life with my weight. I know I’m not alone in this place. Like millions of others, I have tried countless diets and slimming clubs to fight the flab. All with pretty much the same results; weight loss and euphoria, followed a sure but steady return to the once dreaded figue on the scales. Plus, just for good measure, there’d be a few extra pounds on the top too. With all the best will in the world and believe me, I have a strong will, I appear doomed to be a large woman.
I didn’t like the way I looked, in fact I’ve been tormented by my negative body image what seems like forever. The funny thing is that when I look back at photos of myself, say twenty, fifteen or even ten years ago, I can clearly see past the body and see my shining, glorious essence, but I also remember the those all consuming feelings of self-loathing and disgust that haunted me at the time. I was’t just unkind to myself; I was damn right mean and cruel.
The thought that was my constant companion back then was that I was fat, ugly, unlovable and unacceptable in our society. My body was simply too big; I took up too much space. I’m very aware that I’m responsible for my size, I’d like to tell you that I come from a big boned family but realistically it’s the result of being the hedonistic kind of gal I am, who loves to cook and eat great food.
Today, my feelings towards my body are changing. In my work; Success from the Inside Out (see my events page for forthcoming workshops), I encourage others to look honestly and kindly at all aspects of themselves; the thought patterns, the shadow, and the self concepts, that influence lives and the way life unfolds for us. Ultimately, true and lastly success boils down to one thing and one thing only: Love.
If we’re truly being kind and loving rather than angily hostile and at ‘war’ with anything or anyone; be it our neighbours, our families, our bodies or our ability to earn a living, then it is possible to find and maintain success, happiness and peace.
Ahh… to be at peace with my body in every moment, what a joy that would be! (My mentor says we always teach that which we most need to learn)
Accepting how something is, rather than how we would like it to be, is a fantastic starting place. Don’t be fooled, acceptance does not mean resignation; shrugging the shoulders and declaring defeat. But negative self-speak IS so destructive. It is an act of war. On the other hand, working with what is, accepting and completely loving it; becomes a place of empowerment.
What if I really love my body, fat and all? This isn’t a new concept to me but I seem to need constant and gentle reminding. It’s easy to love me some days, you know the kind, when you spring from bed in the morning, feeling great, the right clothes, sun is shining, blah, blah, blah…the real trick, the real work, the real compassion is to find the love and maintain that care for myself on all those other days.
Bless you and may you love what is.
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